Everyone seems to have strong opinions these days about what UV completions to gravity can tell us about lower-energy physics. Perceived difficulties finding inflationary solutions to string theory in particular have prompted re-examination of the utility of EFT methods, such as through the swampland trans-Planckian conjectures. This talk provides a curmudgeonly assessment of some of these proposals together with my own opinion about the likely low-energy take-aways of attempts to embed cosmology into string theory. If there is time I will describe some aspects of gravitation EFTs that really do seem to deviate from the standard Wilsonian picture. [please note the unusual time] [please email a.held@imperial.ac.uk for zoom link or password]